What parts of yourself are you hiding?

I used to think that I wasn’t a very “coachy” coach. I’m a huge nerd, somewhat of an introvert, and I can’t help smelling books and glossy magazines every time I read (anyone else?).

I was under the impression that coaches were supposed to be extroverts who worship at the altar of the law of attraction, dressing in a bohemian style and making sure they surround themselves with “good vibes only”.

Ok, sure. The description I just gave you is a massive cliché of some version of coaching you can see online.

But what’s interesting is that the image I internalised as what a coach “should” look like subversively did two things:

1. It made me think that being a coach is a bit cringe, not a “real job”, not as “respectable” as being a clinical psychologist or a researcher at university (and what am I even doingI have a Master’s degree for goodness sake! I digress.)
2. It also had me believe that I didn’t truly belong in the coaching industry as I did not even remotely fit that cliché.

Can you see the cognitive dissonance here? On the one hand I didn’t want to associate with that version of being a coach, and on the other, I felt like I was left out.

I’ve seen a version of this story in artists and creatives very often and I wonder if you can relate.

So let me ask you this: what version of being creative or being an artist you might have internalised?

Complete this sentence:

“Artists are……………………………”

(spoiler alert, we usually inherit these beliefs from our family of origin or society)

And then:

“I’m not […………bohemian/quirky/original/insert your own word here] enough to be an artist.”

Or “I’m too […………..insert your own word here] to be an artist.”

What’s really underneath this is a lack of belonging. A feeling of not being enough as you are.

Pardon me but I think it’s high time we call bullshit on that.

I’ve said it before and I will say it again: Just because you hold a belief (about artists or about yourself) doesn’t make it true.

I’ve recently come back from Australia where the Beautiful You Coaching Academy (with whom I trained) celebrated their 10th anniversary. What struck me the most was the diversity of coaches’ personalities, areas of expertise, skills, life experiences, cultures in the room and how everyone was made to belong, celebrated for exactly who they are.

This reminded me that each of these expressions of humanness is not only valuable and worthy, but desperately needed. 

Same goes for artists. 

I sometimes find that the downfall of social media is that we try too much to emulate a version of success that seems to work for others. As a result, a lot of people are doing similar shit that is bland as fock.

This is problematic for two reasons:

1. Comparison. This is the fastest road to comparisonitis and imposter syndrome I know. If you try to emulate something others do that isn’t truly you, you’re gonna feel like an imposter. It won’t feel good for sure because you’re not expressing your truth.
2. We end up seeing a particular style of art (whether it’s visual, music etc.) and content that resembles what everyone else is doing. Which historically reminds me of the styles of art officially sanctioned by certain political parties or governments to support their political agenda. Stifling to say the least.

And yes, I get that studying the masters who came before us is part of our growth as artists.

But when it comes from a fear of not being “good” enough as you are, of trying to hide parts of the real you, then both your self-worth and creativity will suffer.

So let’s make a deal. No more hiding to try to fit in.

Let’s embrace being creatively curious, and explore the shit out of our weirdest ideas, especially if we haven’t seen anything like it before.

Let’s embrace our internal contradictions, being this and that.

Let’s embrace dropping labels and showing up as ourselves, even if that means not fitting into any box. (Who created the box in the first place anyway?)

Let’s been our weird selves in all our glory and embrace the multitude that makes us unique and truly irresistible.

Because that’s what you are.

Much love, and creativity, always.