For a few years now, I have been dreaming of starting a co-working space for artists and creatives, where people could collaborate, show their work, get coaching and great food. Where they could be nourished literally and creatively. I even had a long dreamy discussion with one of my best friends by a fountain in Provence over too many glasses of rosé about it.
But then, Covid. Need I say more?
Anyway. Last week, an artist friend advertised some studio spaces available in the building where she’s been working.
I have loved working from home over the last 8 years being a home buddy and also finding the proximity to my little ones super practical. But recently, it’s been anything but. Special shoutout to my neighbours who started renovating, Eskom that can’t keep the lights and wifi on and my kids who are incredibly creative when it comes to trying to get my attention (my mom’s piano sheet music are still scarred with 30 something year old crayon scribbles all over it so I guess there must be something in our genes that just knows how to summon maternal attention).
I digress. I went to have a look at this potential room of my own and upon viewing the space in real life, I got an very clear, whole body YES. Turns out, the building manager’s vision for this space is so very close to the one I was daydreaming about in Provence, which felt like a nice wink from the universe at exactly the right time.
Right. But also.
Making the decision to incur more expenses as I decided to lower my coaching fees might seem like a dumb ass business decision. And maybe it is, only time will tell.
Can you see what’s happening here? Right on cue, a familiar dichotomy of internal voices.
I’m sure you’ve had this experience at one point or another.
On the one hand, my body was telling me “This is what we’ve been waiting for!” (I could literally picture a mini Elsa who has just reached Ahtohallan singing to the top of her lungs into my ear).
On the other hand, my good old friend Self-Doubt started its familiar voice over of why this was not a good idea and why change is NEVER a good idea and let’s rather keep things exactly as they are because who the hell do we think we are anyway?
As a seasoned self-doubter who has done a ton of self-belief work however, instead of giving in to the siren call of self-doubt, I started questioning its intentions with compassion and genuine curiosity.
“Hey, what’s up? You’re getting a bit loud while my body is clearly telling me this is the right move.
I say while pointing at mini Elsa still singing into my ear.
What are we afraid of here? What’s at risk?”
And that’s what I love about this work. Answers starting pouring out:
– You’ll be away from the kids, what if they need you? (this is a biggie having a child with special needs).
– Are you ready to spend less time with them? They are still so little.
– Can we commit to more monthly expenses (again, special needs means a whole lotta extra medical bills)?
– That would also mean more commuting time. Potentially more complication to organise drop offs and pick ups.
And yes, those are valid and kind of obvious. It gets really interesting when you keep digging a bit deeper.
That’s when you get to the juicy stuff.
You’ll have to put on your big girl panties and play waaay bigger. Really get seen and heard out there. Believe in yourself in broad day light and not from just behind a screen. And that’s bloody scary.
Ah. There we go. I’m shit scared of making this big move and commitment.
I could fail.
I could succeed.
I could disappoint myself and others.
I could be judged.
Sometimes, simply naming what is truly at risk is enough to help your self-doubt soften.
So yes reader, I committed to this room of my own.
I chose to back myself in spite of all the fear and noise.
I chose to make a decision and trust that it is the right one. At least for now.
And I have to say, I feel incredibly grounded, excited and light hearted about it.
So the next time your infinitely wise body and well-meaning self-doubt sing different tunes, it might be a sign you’re on the verge of cracking yourself open a little bit more. And what’s life for if not for taking bold, creative risks?
If you’d like to explore how to expand your self-trust and self-belief as an artist or creative, you can book a complimentary 15-min call with me to chat about how coaching could support you.